4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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