"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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