You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
