I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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