So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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