shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
