Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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