I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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