Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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