I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
