this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
