Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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