Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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