nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
