Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
