I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
