Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
