In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
