ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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