I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
