His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
