Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
