I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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