We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
