I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
