I'm going to jail i love you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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