Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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