I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
