If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
