Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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