I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
