I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
