I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
