other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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