Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
