Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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