woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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