i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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