I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
