Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
