Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
