I want to make a zoo with you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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