I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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