mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
