so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
