Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
