she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
