i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
