My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
