Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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