Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize