you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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