There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
