I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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