It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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