I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
