Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
4 words: hood of his car
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Randomize
