I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
