I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
