So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
