Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You ruined the universe
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
