i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
