from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
