"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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