this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
