Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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